chimbleysweep posting in lavenderdiary
4 April, 1984
I don’t know where to begin. The past three weeks have been such a blur, but yesterday Jack and I finally had sex.
It was, I don’t know. It wasn’t amazing because how is sex amazing for a girl the first few times? It just hurts. But almost losing Jack and Jack convinced that he lost me really pushed us together. I thought we were close before, but it’s nothing compared to how we are now. How we were after the crash. He never leaves my side.
It was a bit awkward last night because his arm is still broken, but it’s not as if we could get very complicated. It hurt. I don’t know if Jack realised just how much because he seemed to be unable to stop himself after a while and I’m just glad that we’re together and he’s the only one I would ever consider being like this with.
Today was rotten because I was so sore I could barely dance. And on top of that, we had pas de deux, which was so painful. And the worst part is that it was obvious why and after school, Scott told me that “Jack’s finally made me his whore.” As you can imagine, that was very upsetting. When I wasn’t having sex with him, not that I’ve had sex more than once since yesterday, they thought I was stupid. Now that I am, they think I’m even more stupid.
Since it wasn’t very much fun to have sex in the first place, and the occasion of losing my virginity didn’t exactly evade me, even though I did lose it to Jack, I got very upset and Jack demanded that I tell him what Scott said. I refused to tell him because I knew he’d do something rash, but he wouldn’t let me go until I told him. So I did. And then I told him that we needed to go and what did he do? Turn right around, march back to the school, and BREAK SCOTT’S NOSE! With his broken arm, no less, as that’s the one he has to use. So when Papa came, Jack had to go to hospital to get his arm looked at because he was making all sorts of faces. But I asked to be dropped off first because I was so upset. I said something I probably shouldn’t have, as well.
This isn’t how it’s suppose